Could Have Had It All

Our love was blind,
Wasn't built to last,
It slipped away,
So damn fast,
But I can’t change anything,
It’s all in the past,
We talked and talked, you said we’d be together,
You promised me so much, said we’d last forever,
But that was all a lie,
There was no truth in it,
You refused to give us a try,
But it was my fault because I fell,
There was no one to warn me, no one to tell,
I should have been told,
That you weren’t right for me,
Obviously I was too blinded by love to see,
That you had no feelings for me,
We could have had it all,
Could have had so much,
With every word spoken, every little touch,
Found a little bit of paradise,
In this world,
Found a slice of heaven,
And I could have been your girl,
Would have been your one and only,
Never would have left you lonely,
Despair in the cold night air,
When you didn't care,
There was tears running down my face,
After you tossed my heart all over the place.

Can’t Force Love

No matter what I say or do,
I can’t force you,
Whatever we decide to do,
Is between me and you,
So I can’t make you,
If you don’t want to.

I can call
I can yell
I can push
I can tell
I can do this
I can do that
But I can’t
Coz u wont take any of that
I’m not stupid
I can see
Not as blinded
By thoughts of you and me

So tell me if you
Don’t want to
Be with me
I’d rather know now
And set myself free…..

Stuck in between reality
Bordering on fantasy
Nowhere to escape
The risk is far too great
But I can try
Risk my life and possibly die
Of a broken heart
One that could be torn apart.

Uneasy life

If you think my life’s easy,
I’m afraid your wrong,
If you think it’s breezy,
Then you don’t know where I belong,
Wake up in the morning light,
Know bad words will be spoken,
Feeling the day won’t turn out right,
My mood is already broken,
Getting ready,
I think about life,
Trying to keep my thoughts steady,
I have my breakfast and take a bite,
The sun shining,
It’s a beautiful day,
My soul is whining,
I can’t escape or get away,
Trying to create a plan that will work,
Thinking about my loneliness,
And how you acted like a jerk,
Friends had ditched me,
They didn’t wanna know me anymore,
Telling me they didn’t mean what they said,
But I wasn’t so sure,
Heading outside,
I raise my head high,
Take a whiff of the air,
And stare at the sky,
Wondering when all this will end,
Waiting for my life to return to normal again.

Just Thinking

I think about you,
Every day - every night,
Knowing you’re the one,
My Mr. Right,
Can’t wait for the times,
When I get to see you,
I wish that I, could always be with you,
Gazing deeply into your eyes,
Always expecting a big surprise,
Love the way we touch,
Gives me the impression you love me so much,
When we kiss,
I feel pure bliss,
Always wanting to be by your side,
You can run but you cant hide,
The way I feel about you,
You don’t even know,
My real feelings for you,
I’m trying not to show,
When I can’t see you,
I cry,
Knowing I can’t have you,
Makes me wanna die,
When I’m with you,
I feel so alive,
Whenever you’re around,
I know I can survive,
I’ve fallen for you,
And I don’t wanna get up because I love you,
I can lie here with you,
Night and day,
And your love will always light my way.

Written 13th March 2005

Amounting to nothing,
Almost had everything,
But you threw it all away,
Went off on your own way,
Fighting constantly,
Why can’t you see,
That we were supposed to be,
Together forever,
Now all it comes down to is never,
When we see each other we act like strangers,
Never knew our friendship had hidden dangers,
You think I’m weak but I’ll try to be stronger,
If only we lasted a little bit longer,
You were a big part of my life and I cherished every hug and smile,
I get my phone and start to dial,
Your phone number to talk to you,
But we wouldn’t have had anything to talk about you know it’s true,
I remember late one night,
You called me after we had a fight,
For the first time you tried to make everything alright,
Into my mind you began to creep,
Your voice in my thoughts as I drifted off to sleep,
Wishing me goodnight wishing me sweet dreams,
Nothing with you is as it seems,
And yet here I am,
Trying to think of all I can,
Day and night your on my mind,
There’s nothing I can do,
I’m dreaming of you…
Written 6th October 2004

Walking Away

If I’m not good enough,
Then say so,
If I’m not pretty enough,
Then why don’t you just go,
You used to be what made me smile,
You made everything ok,
If only for a little while,
Each and every day,
Now you see me frowning,
My broken smile,
Feel like I’m drowning,
In denial,
Wallowing in my misery,
I think of you,
I still dream of you,
I realize how stupid I’ve been,
I was too blinded by love,
How could I have not seen,
You weren’t the angel from above,
Telling me lies,
Nothing was true,
I should have opened my eyes,
And saw the real you,
But my judgement was clouded in a big way,
By false information,
Wanting to be near you everyday,
Now I’m lost in a world of separation,
That came without warning,
Or preparation,
I may as well put you out of my mind,
Out of sight,
And go and find,
Someone better that’s worth much more,
Someone who won’t hurt me,
Or throw my feelings out the door,
Yet you still lie,
I get really upset,
Yet I always give you another try,
Why am I so weak when it comes to you,
Why can’t I speak when I think about you,
Whenever I see you,
I try to smile,
Even though it’s breaking my heart in two,
I cover up for a little while,
There’s nothing that I can do,
Never thought it would be you,
My heart controls my mind,
There’s no one else I can find,
Thinking about the history,
And what effect it has had on me,
I feel that it’s tearing me,
Making me feel so bad,
With every word you speak,
My heart starts to break,
When you tell me it’s over,
My body starts to shake,
Tears sting the back of my eyes,
I look at you,
And shake my head in surprise,
I want to turn around and walk away,
But I can’t do it knowing you won’t come after me, I have to stay,
Trying to clear out the images of you,
Including everything you do,
I can now see it clearly,
That you and I were never meant to be.

Release The Pain

Soul torn,
Heart empty,
Feeling forlorn,
How can this be?
Fortune and contentment,
A thing of the past,
No way at all,
To make it last,
Feeling down full of shame,
Have to find a way to release the pain,
Thinking of possible ways,
You opt to end your days,
Then you realize it’s all too drastic,
Have to find something that’s much more fantastic,
Pain like a stab in the heart,
Whole world falling apart.

Blaming everything on me,
Crying all the time, unable to see,
Everything good’s out of reach,
No one there to teach,
No one there to say,
That something good will happen today.

All left up to your imagination,
Losing all your concentration,
Mind spinning round and round,
Feet aren’t on solid ground,
Definitely at an all time low,
Hide from the world don’t wanna show,
Straying away from friends,
Difficult to make amends,
Writing in your diary of experiences that occur in your life,
Hard to hold on, and strife,
To improve your way of thinking,
Staring at your reflection your eyes are blinking.

Empty thoughts racing a mile a minute,
Feeling out of sync with the world like your just not in it,
Used to be in control,
Knew it all,
Drowning in sadness,
It’s all you can feel,
Feeling unblessed,
It’s all too real,
Just wanna curl up and die,
Laying there staring at the sky,
It’s so blue,
Matching your mood,
The good memories won’t do,
But one day it’ll all be over and you’ll feel better,
For now you’ll just write a letter,
Someone might open it and read it,
And empathize with what you’ve been through.

You and Me

We were just lying there,
Staring at the sky,
Whispering sweet nothings,
I felt like the world was passing me by,
So close, there together,
Feeling as if we’d known each other forever,
A kiss on the cheek, a touch of your hand,
A hand running through my hair, each and every strand,
We’re really meant to be,
Feeling so safe, so carefree,
This was the beginning of our love,
One that was sent from up above,
When I stare deeply into your eyes,
I see a reflection of me, it’s a big surprise,
Knowing im the one in your heart,
Knowing we’ll never be apart,
I love the way you stare at me,
because I know that you care for me,
When I’m with you, I don’t have a care in the world,
Loving the feeling that I’m your girl,
I love the way you make me feel,
It’s all so true, so real,
I’m in love with your gorgeous smile,
I’m really digging your style,
The way you talk,
Is tantalizing,
The way you walk,
Is hypnotising,
I hope one day that you’ll see,

You’ll always be a part of me.
The Last Goodbye

As I turn around,
A tear in my eye,
I let it slip down my cheek,
As I begin to cry,
Speaking words softly into my ear,
Dreading the fact that you will never be near,
Standing face to face,
This is our last embrace,
Holding you close I don’t wanna let you go,
You’re the only one I ever loved,
I just wanted you to know,
How could I let you get away,
Why did it happen on this cold, sad day,
My one my only true love,
My only one sent from above,
All the time I spent with you,
Everything we used to do,
Will remain in my heart forever,
I’m distraught as I realize we will never be together,
As I let you go and get out of my sight,
I won’t forget how you made everything alright,
The stars shine brightly above me,
I stare deep into them and I see,
A vision of you smiling at me,
Now I know you’ve been set free,
I cry day in day out,
I don’t bother to scream and shout,
Tears on my pillow as I hold it tight,
I stare at your picture and whisper goodnight,
I’m dreaming of you,
I wonder if you’re dreaming of me too,
I’ll never forget the memories we shared,
I’ll never forget how much you cared,
So dedicated to you,
The only one for you,
I really wanted to be with you,
Here I am, without you,
All I do is cry,
As you walk away, this is our last goodbye…


Every time I see you,
my heart skips a beat,
Every little thing you do,
Let’s me know that you’re so sweet,
When you hug me, when you hold me,
I believe all the sweet things you told me,
Am I falling into a trap?
Is everything you say just made up crap?
When I saw you the other day,
You didn’t say hi, didn’t even look my way,
I hope you realize, that broke my heart,
The ignorance ripped through me,
And tore my soul apart,
I hope I can see you again,
Coz you always make me smile,
I wanna hold you for a little while,
Coz you’re my sunshine, shining brightly through the clouds of rain,
You’re the one who can take away my pain,
I know we’re friends,
But now I’m not so sure,
Maybe one day we can be something more.

Written 5th March 2005
What Your Love Did To Me

Trembling inside,
All these feelings to hide,
Wondering how long I can keep this alive,
If I’ll even survive,
I’m hanging on by a thread,
In this relationship that’s messing with my head,
Feeling a bit insecure,
Wondering if I’m gonna be walking through that door,
Heart beating fast,
Hoping this will last…

Trying to figure out a plan,
Something to help me do whatever I can,
Thinking of a way to feel comforted and real,
Knowing this is the way it can feel,
Others times my heart you steal,
Showing me that this is the deal,
Why can’t I just relax in my mind,
The answers are so hard to find,
The world is crashing down all around,
My feet aren’t balancing on the ground,
And yet all I can hear is the sound,
Of my broken heart,
The one that is falling apart…

It all started out so great,
Destiny was on my side, it was fate,
It brought you to me,
It made me see,
Life was worth living for,
You were something I couldn’t ignore,
But I kept asking for more,
As I lay here helpless crying on the floor,
How could something so sweet turn so sour?
There has to be some sort of supernatural power,
That reigns up above,
One that controls anything to do with love…

If I could afford the ticket, I’d buy it now,
Get me out of here, somehow,
But I’m stuck with no where to go,
Feeling like I have to put on a show,
An act,
That’s way too far from an actual fact,
If only you could see,
That you mean the world to me…


Maintaining the perfect reputation,
Took a lot of time and concentration,
Everywhere you went you wanted to be seen,
All you’d wish for was to live the perfect dream,
Everyone had to know your name,
Else they’d have to face shame,
You liked to be intimidating,
And your ego was inflating,
There’s no on who could change the way you thought,
No presents could do this or gifts that were bought,
You left the people you looked down on totally distraught,
You had everything,
Yet you wanted more,
Being treated like the queen,
That was definitely for sure,
Being such a material girl,
Just had to have to richest world,
With people following you around,
Your head was in the clouds, your feet not on the ground,
Can’t believe that you expected,
To be respected,
All you wanted was to be part of the game,
To win popularity,
Over and over again…

To be or not to be?

Are we meant to be together,
Or destined to be apart,
Are we meant to be together,
Just listen to your heart.

Are we friends or are we not,
You told me once but I forgot,
I’ll give you my world, I’ll give you my heart,
I’ll give you my soul, just don’t tear it apart.

I do need you,
Can’t you see?
That you and I are meant to be,
Only you can fulfil my dreams,
Only you can make it easier than it seems.

Every day I hope and pray,
That you and I will be together someday,
Where did we go wrong,
You didn’t love me all along,
No matter what I say - no matter what I do,
You’ll never love me - I’ll always love you.

Over time, without me,
You’ll be free and living independently,
So I’m not going to let you treat me this way,
I’m going to forget you,
There’s nothing to say.

I’m a fool because I love you,
I’m a fool because I care,
I’m a fool because I spent my life,
Wishing you were there,
I’m a fool for forgiving you,
I’m a fool for giving you a chance,
I’m a fool because I was so nice to you,
Under any circumstance,
I’m a fool for liking you,
I’m a fool to make that mistake,
But what I learnt was loving you,
And that you’re a total fake,
I’m a fool because I fell in so deep,
I’m a fool because you always creep,
I’m a fool because your on my mind,
I’m a fool because I can’t go and find,
I’m a fool because I can’t find any other,
I’m a fool because I can’t get someone to be my lover,
I’m a fool because I still love you,
No matter how much you hurt me or what you do,
I’m a fool because you played me,
I’m a fool because I can’t see,
I’m a fool because you got no feelings for me,
I’m foolish because we’re not meant to be…

Unfinished Finished

[warning: this poem is LONG]

Giving my heart,
Letting go of my soul,
All for you to tear it apart,
And swallow me whole,
Spit me out,
Kick me out,
Scream and shout,
Lies and doubt,
Only thing thats around,
Is not to be seen or found,
It's like we're caught in this one way street,
Chasing something that slips beneath our feet,
It's like we can't find what we want to have,
We hold onto what we got,
Our love is lost,
But it seems like we forgot...

We try, yet we fail,
Will this ever prevail?
My love, isn't enough,
There's much more needed whenever we face the rough,
One love can seem so strong,
It can last for so long,
Seems like nothing can go wrong,
But you don't see it coming all along...

My emotions so twisted,
Your words so cold,
My emptiness surrounds me,
Standing out so tall and bold,
A dark cloud circles and whispers into my ear,
Letting me know, either the end, or danger is near,
My heart fights back saying it's just another day,
Another setback, to cope with my own way...

You're the one meant to be here,
The one wiping the tears, getting rid of my fear,
But all I have is air,
Tears i shed, knowing you aren't there,
What happened to you caring for me?
Have u lost all your integrity,
Honestly, tell me, am I doing you wrong?
If so, what, and for how long?
I can change, even if it is just for you,
Just for us to be together, there's nothing I wouldn't do,
I'd put my happiness aside,
Knowing you and I would survive....

Without you I don't feel the same,
All that I feel is the same old pain,
Driving me insane,
Slowly creeping in and messing with my head,
Thoughts race in and out a mile a minute as I lay still in my bed,
The world seems too out of reach,
With no one hear to teach,
Me, How to live this lie,
Giving me alternatives, other then to lay here and want to die,
If I could take back what I did or what I said,
Then maybe this wouldn't be the beginning of the end of my life,
My heart, my soul, dead....

The Girl No One Sees

[ this is one of the poems I got published in an Australian Poetry book :) ]

Who said it was easy being me?
Who truly understood the meaning of being free?
Sometimes they’re so blind,
They can’t see.

Behind the smile,
Behind those eyes,
Are so many conflicts,
So many lies.

Within the soul,
She’s lost control,
Chaos has swallowed her whole,
No one knows she has to pay the toll.

Does anyone care?
Do they know she’s there?
Can they feel her presence?
I guess life’s unfair.

Story of my Life

So this is how the story goes,
And this is the pain that nobody knows.
It took her so long,
To build that bridge,
To walk over it,
And get over him.

Finally she did,
The feelings got rid,
And she never saw him again.

Time seemed to tell,
That she would never love again.
But time was lying,
And she didn't know there could be much worse pain.

He took her hand,
Touched her heart.
She thought she had him,
Right from the start.

Floating on a cloud of joy,
This girl, falling for this boy.
What could she do?
He said he was feeling it too.

A sinking feeling,
In the back of her mind.
When he announced he would call,
She had a feeling she would find,
Just another broken heart,
One that was destined to fall apart.

He let go of her hand,
And broke up her heart.
She never had him..
From the start.

Beautiful Tragedy

She's a beautiful tragedy,
Slipping away so silently,
Slowly shattering into a million pieces,
She tries not to feel it when her heart freezes.
Wasted words, denied reasons,
She braces herself for the upcoming lonely seasons.

Acid Rain

I waste my time,
On one way love,
Why don't you feel the same way?I need advice from above.
The ones I'm always drawn to,
Seem to disappear,
One day they're right beside me,
The next they're nowhere near.
I get emotionally involved,
All by myself,
And I get headaches from crying and crying,
It's not good for my health.
I admire from afar,
But I wish I was close,
And the unrequited feelings supplied,
Come in a lethal dose.
I tell myself that there could be a chance,
But it's all in my head,
I find it hard to accept,
This romance is dead.
Now knowing what to do,
I need to find someone who will love me back,
But I don't know who,
My heart is constantly under attack,
And I know it'll never beat right without you.
Billions of people in this world,
And I can't even find one,
To take away the grey skies,
And give me the sun.
Don't you know it doesn't matter,
I've heard it all before,
They say it'll be okay,
Yet the acid rain continues to pour.

Step by Step

Introduce yourself,
And break the ice,
For its only in the beginning,
That you'll be nice.
Ask me out for coffee,
You offer to buy,
Do all the smooth talking,
To convince me you're a different type of guy.
Taking my hand,
You say you want to make it official,
Telling me there's more to you than meets the eye,
And you're in no way superficial.
We go out to dinner,
Sip and talk amongst champagne,
This is the beginning of all your treats,
A crucial step in your game.
Later we take a stroll,
On the moonlit beach,
You deliver line by line,
Flawlessly as if you've been practising a speech.
It becomes a while,
And we're still an item,
Spending practically everyday together,
And hardly ever fighting.
Buy me a diamond ring,
Swear you love me so,
But jewellery won't mean a thing,
If you're just going to get up and go.
Kiss my lips,
You promise not to make me cry,
Tell me I'm your whole world,
But then you say goodbye.

You Are

You're like a razor,
That cuts through my skin,
Breaks my heart,
And tortures the soul within.

Here I was,
Thinking you changed,
But you're as cold as ice,
So my hopeful thinking's deranged.

You're like a disease,
That will never have a cure,
You're like an addiction,
So bad but leave me wanting more.

You're like a crack of thunder,
That strikes an unsuspecting tree,
Burns it to ashes in a flash,
That's what you do to me.

You're like unpredictable weather,
First hot then cold,
Now I know we'll never be together,
That's a fact I don't need to be told.

My feelings don't exist,
My thoughts don't matter,
It looks like you can resist,
As my heart prepares to shatter.

No Way Out

Words circulate the empty room as I lay in the dark,
Sentences pouring out line by line, straight from the heart.
I wonder how I'm still breathing,
When my heart feels like it's stopped,
I wanted to remember what it feels like to be happy,
But I guess I forgot.
Nagging thoughts cease to escape my mind,
As I'm trapped in this maze,
And I thought the heartache would pass,
But it's not just a phase.
It seems like a way of life,
That I'm accustomed to now,
And no matter how hard I try to turn it all around,
It stays with me somehow.

Mine All Mine

My pillow is my shoulder to cry on,
When I'm feeling all alone,
And my teddy bear is my companion,
Since there's no one on the phone.

My diary is my confidant,
Where my true feelings lie,
They become immersed in ink,
When they need a place to hide.

Lyrics are my relation,
That assure I'm not the only one,
Who had no destination,
When they needed to run.

My photos are my proof,
That good times did exist,
On the other hand they're visual reminders,
Of everything that I miss.

My mirror is my reflection,
Of all things that are me,
But it doesn't bring to the surface,
Everything there is to see.

My eyes are like taps,
That leak away at night,
Hoping when I wake up in the morning,
Everything will be alright.

My beauty is unseen,
As I step into the light,
The whole world can seem so dark,
Even when all around it's bright.

My lips have participated in conversations,
That have lead to heartbreak,
Things that should have been left unsaid,
That were all a big mistake.

My feet have crossed boundaries,
That weren't meant to be explored,
Even though signs were there to warn me,
They were nothing but ignored.

This Poor Little Heart of Mine

This poor little heart of mine,
Been ripped apart at the seams,
This poor little heart of mine,
Been robbed of all its dreams.

This poor little heart of mine,
Has witnessed so much pain,
This poor little heart of mine,

Struggling to regain consciousness again.

This poor little heart of mine,
Didn't choose to be alone,
This poor little heart of mine,
Trying to cheer itself up in an unconvincing tone.

This poor little heart of mine,
Screaming without a sound,
This poor little heart of mine,
Searching for something that can never be found.

This poor little heart of mine,
Executing a fake smile,
This poor little heart of mine,
Appearing to be in denial.

This poor little heart of mine,
Fighting not to choke,
This poor little heart of mine,
Sick and tired like it just awoke.

This poor little heart of mine,
Contemplating a reason to wake,
This poor little heart of mine,
Unsure of how much more it can take.

This poor little heart of mine,
Attempting to be brave,
This poor little heart of mine,
Will take its secrets to the grave.

This poor little heart of mine,
Emotionally involved,
This poor little heart of mine,
Stuck with a problem that remains unsolved.

This poor little heart of mine,
Sensing that the future is bleak,
This poor little heart of mine,
Has so much to say but is unable to speak.

This poor little heart of mine,
Could never be rich,
This poor little heart of mine,
Suffocating, buried in a ditch.